Halloween at home...

My mother's computer opens in what seems like three nanoseconds compared to our computer at home. This lady has class; she does nothing by halves...

Saturday night on Hallowee'n weekend in northern England. The little girls we saw in a pub this afternoon dressed in black and pink frilly dresses at a Halloween/birthday party should be in bed by now. Their big sisters will be heading like witches in a state of undress to the discotheques in town, bare white flesh oblivious to our damp northern air. It rains a lot in Manchester; has been drizzling on and off all day.

I'm inside, wearing three layers, hearing the steady hiss of the artificial gas fire, doing my bit towards the Telegraph crossword that Mum's trying to complete. They go with her everywhere these crosswords. Climb a hill with her, sit by the sea and at some point she'll whip the folded up Telegraph out of her pocket and try you on a clue. I'm usually pretty useless. Bud's even worse. (He's in Amsterdam, by the way, couldn't take more time off work.)

We've just watched ' Who wants to be a Millionaire?', the pulse-raising quiz programme, on TV. We turned off the documentary telling us how evangelical Christians had made it to the White House; we'd got the message already...

I can hear fireworks exploding in the distance. Halloween's still an American tradition though catching on here fast. But the fireworks are for a British tradition - November 5th, Bonfire Night. We Brits - well, those of us who still know the history of it - are marking the ending of the Gunpowder Plot, the conspiracy to blow up Parliament, somewhere way back in the Dark Ages. We used to do it by lighting fires in our gardens or in the street and throwing on a figure made of rags, wood and paper to represent the chief plotter Guy Fawkes. Nowadays, street bonfires are banned - too many people have injured or blinded themselves with fireworks. Instead, the local council and local organisations get together and hold a public firework display.

I'm not going out to look. This is my Couch Potato time...